The Business of Love
by Mallobaude
Summary: Two lonely business owners find themselves on a collision course for love when a chance encounter leads them standing in front of each other on a cool, Vale night. Will each be able to see the other for who he is without seeing themselves in their shiny, bald foreheads?


Shopkeeper led a lonely life.

Sure, he may have been a successful businessman. Running a dust shop was no small feat in the world of Remnant. When it came to things like fuel, ammunition, and even artificially intelligent robots, dust reigned supreme. It made Shopkeeper's job very important. He worked long hours, even getting robbed by Roman Torchwick on one occasion for his precious dust.

But long hours didn't fulfill one thing that dust never could. No matter how many times General Ironwood tried making a teenage girl robot, it would never quite be the same thing as a real human being. No, dust could not provide the one thing humanity needed more than guns and ammunition.

Love.

Closing up his shop for the night, Shopkeeper locked the door and took a deep breath. Time to go home again. Alone. Unfulfilled. Plenty of lien, sure. But lien couldn't buy him love. Except for that one time he used lien to buy himself _love_. But that wasn't real love. That was barely even better than using a robot as a living fleshlight. What are you doing, Ironwood? Seriously? You've got some explaining to do.

Putting on his coat, Shopkeeper stuck his hands into his pockets and walked down the street.

* * *

Shopkeep led a lonely life.

Sure, he may have been a successful businessman. Running a noodle stand was no small feat in the world of Remnant. When it came to fighting the creatures of Grimm, huntsmen and huntresses fought on their stomachs just as any army did. It made Shopkeep's job very important. He worked long hours, even getting a rejected credit card courtesy of Weiss Schnee on one occasion when she attempted to pay for her noodles.

But long hours didn't fulfill one thing that noodles never could. No matter how many times Sun and Neptune stopped by, the sexual tension of their bromance thicker and wetter than any noodle could ever hope to be, it would never quite be the same thing as a relationship with a real human being. No, noodles could not provide the one thing humanity needed more than carbs and ramen bowls.

Love.

Closing up his stand for the night, Shopkeep locked the shutter and took a deep breath. Time to go home again. Alone. Unfulfilled. Plenty of lien, sure. But lien couldn't buy him love. Except for that one time he used lien to buy a whole bathtub full of noodles and hopped in naked in an attempt to get himself some satisfaction. What are you doing, Ironwood? Seriously? You've got some explaining to do.

Putting on his coat, Shopkeep stuck his hands into his pockets and walked down the street.

* * *

Shopkeeper's eyes weren't as good as they used to be in his old age. As he strolled down the dust lamp-lit street, his eyes strained as he saw another man approaching him on the sidewalk. He wore a gray short-sleeve shirt, just like him. Underneath his coat he could see a dark red apron. How coincidental that they were wearing the same clothes. But as the man neared he saw thick gray eyebrows above a pair of thin slits that were supposed to be his eyes. A balding head, smooth and shiny as a bowling ball, was rimmed around the back with long spiky hair. It was like looking into a mirror. The fact that the two were on a collision course with one another might as well have made the musing a reality. It was like Shopkeeper was about to walk into himself unless he stepped to the side.

So he did. But to his surprise, the other man stepped sideways as well, putting the two in each other's path once more.

Both stopped, peering into one another's eye slits.

"Hhhmmhmhmmh hhmm," Shopkeeper excused himself.

The other man nodded. "Mmmhhmhhhm."

They shared a chuckle. Shopkeeper shook his head. Yes, he really was quite oblivious at times.

He moved to step to the side, and to his surprise, the other man did as well. Again, it was the same direction as him. The pair once more found themselves blocking one another's path.

"Hmhhhmm hmhhhmmhmh," Shopkeeper laughed again.

"Mmhmhmh mhhhhhm."

"Hhhmhhhmhhhmhmh."

Shopkeep. What a lovely name. Nearly identical to his own. As it turned out their similarities didn't end just at their physical appearances. Nor their chosen paths on the sidewalk. It was almost as if... this meeting was meant to be.

Nervous hands fidgeted inside the pockets of his coat. "Hhmhmh..." he started nervously, eye slits darting away to the side. "Hhhmmhhmh hmhhh hmhhhhmhhh?"

Shopkeep glanced away momentarily before his slits focused back on Shopkeeper. "Mmhh mmhhhhmhh."

His heart skipped a beat. Shopkeeper could hardly believe it. Shopkeep had actually agreed to go out for coffee with him. Not on a date, of course. No, this was just a meeting of friends. If he could even call the man he had just met a friend. Acquaintances? Sure. But who knows? They already had so much in common, maybe they would find even more common ground over drinks. It would be a nice way to relax after a long day of selling dust and hoping to not get robbed.

The two walked on the sidewalk side by side now, on their way to the nearest coffee shop in Vale.

* * *

They had ordered their coffee the same way. Shopkeep could hardly believe the mounting coincidences that were occurring with the man. A fellow business owner as it turned out. What were the odds of that?

Though he had only just met the man, it was hard not to get lost in the thin black slits that were his eyes. In the glossiness of Shopkeeper's bald forehead he could see his reflection. It was true what they said, beauty was in the slit of the beholder. Right now Shopkeep could hardly stop himself from admiring the beauty of Shopkeeper.

He took a sip of his coffee in order to buy time to think of something to say. It wasn't often he went out for drinks with friends. No, most of his social interaction came when meddling teenage huntresses came and bought noodles from his shop. Teenagers with their red cloaks and their blue hair and their prosthetic arms and their hatred of pedestals and their terrorist backgrounds and their daddy issues and their tragic back stories and their thirsts for power and their attention deficit disorders and their ice cream-themed names and their toned abs and their Australian accents and their falsified transcripts and their-

"Hmhmhhhmhhhmhhh," Shopkeeper said, interrupting the man from his thoughts.

It took a moment for Shopkeep to come back down to Remnant. He shook his head softly before speaking. "Mmmhhmhh mmhmhhh mhmmmhhmmm."

"Hmhhh hhhmh hhmmhhh?"

He nodded. "Mmhhhmhmm mmhmm."

The other man seemed to understand what he meant completely. And that wasn't unusual at all. So far the two seemed to be in sync. In sync like he had never once felt before. Shopkeeper just... got him. He couldn't explain why. But ever since their chance encounter on the streets of Vale, it felt like a part of him that had been missing his whole life had suddenly been found.

Shopkeeper pulled out his wallet, producing a few lien notes. "Hhmhhhm hhhmhhhm hhhhhhm."

Shopkeep rose his hands in protest. "Mmmmmmhhhh mm."

The other waved off his protests. "Hhhhmhmhmhhm hhhhhhh."

He smiled. Then he would just have to pick up the tab for the next time.

Next time. Was he really thinking that far ahead? He didn't even know if he would ever see Shopkeeper again after tonight.

Well... he supposed there was only one way to find out.

Shopkeep cleared his throat, preparing to step into the wild unknown. "Mmhhmhhmm... mmhmhm. Mhmhmhmm mmhmhmhmh mmmhmh mmmmmhh mmhmhmmhm. Mmm... mhmhm mhmh?"

Slits blinked. Or maybe they didn't. It was honestly hard to tell. Despite having a face that was like looking into a mirror, Shopkeeper's expression was notoriously hard to read.

"Hhhmmhmmm hhmm... hmhmhh?"

Shopkeep's heart skipped. Was he... accepting his proposal?

"Mmhmmhm mmmm?"

"Hhh."

Go home with him. Tonight. For more... coffee.

He glanced down at his half-full cup. No, it wasn't _just_ for coffee. Even he knew that.

It had been so long since he felt a connection with another person. Let alone as personal a connection as this one. Could he... should he...?

"Hmhhmhhhm," Shopkeeper continued. "Hhhmmhm... hmhmh hhhmhmhm..."

The words sent a chill down his spine. Of course he _wanted_ to. Still, it didn't stop him from being nervous about it. After all, he had only just met the man tonight.

Or maybe time didn't matter. Maybe one night was enough if that person really was _the one_. If you knew in your heart that it was right, why waste time? Why beat around the push and play by society's rules? Love did not adhere to society's laws. The only rules and laws that mattered when it came to love were those of the heart.

And right now Shopkeep's heart was threatening to burst in his chest.

"Mmm mmhhm mmhmhmhmhm," he said softly in agreement.

"Hhhmhm hhmhmh hhhhmm."

The bill was paid, and the two stood from the table. As they walked out the doors of the coffee shop, they did so in a way they hadn't when they entered.

Hand in hand.

Shopkeep and Shopkeeper.

Business owners. Potentially business partners.

And maybe... maybe simply partners, soon.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Don't ask me what this was because I don't know.

It's a Shitpost Saturday, and I wrote this on a whim only because of the fact that Shopkeeper and Shopkeep are listed as two different characters on FFN's list. And you know what we do in the RWBY fandom, don't you? We ship everyone with everyone. So here I proudly present to you the first ever Shopkeeper x Shopkeep story on this site.

So hopefully you all enjoyed this tale of true love in a world where love will be the ultimate power to defeat Salem and the Grimm.

As always, thanks for reading.


End file.
